Have you ever felt like the need to inspire someone? Or have you ever just been sitting in a crowded room full of happy, energetic people, and just felt alone.. and out of place?

Even among my closest friends, I feel like I just don't fit. Out of this close-knit group of mine, I have not told even more than one of them what I went through this last October. And the one person who does know, I didn't even tell her the whole story. Yet, I have told two or three complete strangers the whole ordeal, even down to how heartbroken and stupid I felt when I saw the look on his face that morning.

They (my friends) have even told me that one of the things that they don't like about me or worry about, I'm not sure how to word it, but is that they never know what the hell I am thinking. But the thing is -- I never know what the hell I'm thinking. The other attribute they said they hated about me was how pessimistic I am, but that is another story.

I have always aspired to become a great and inspirational writer, like the ones that I grew up being in love with. The only thing wrong with this picture is, I don't believe that I can BE that person. I may WANT to be her, but is it honestly possible? I won't give up on that dream, but then again, I don't want to fail myself and what I have always dreamed of becoming. Writing is what I have concentrated on for all of my life (so far). It is what I live for. Music & writing are the two most important things in my life. Whenever I say that, there is always that severely annoying person who goes, 'well, God, what about your family and friends?' Well, to that person who I will always want to punch in the face... My friends and honestly, well, I guess family is important to me as well. But they have always seemed to come after music and writing. Any way of expressing oneself is amazing if done right. Not that there is a wrong way to express yourself. Well, yeah, I guess technically there is. I've never been able to draw or paint, so I have turned to music, writing, and most recently, photography.

If I even just inspire one single person, my life will be complete. That sounds so damn cheesy, corny, whatever - but that is what I think. Everyone around me, when they talk about their careers or ambitions, they speak of money or whatever, but I'm the odd one of them all. I am the outcast, the loner, the weird kid in the corner, me.